SPEAKER_01 0:34

Hey there, Marissa here. I think you can agree, none of us like to be lied to, right? Well, what about the lies we tell ourselves? Oftentimes we let our emotions create a scenario that's not true, and we call it fear. So today we're going to talk about whether or not you are allowing fear of failure to hold you back in your business here on the Resilient Faith Online Show.

SPEAKER_00 1:04

Welcome. I'm Arissa Shadwick, host of the Resilient Faith Online Show. I'm an online marketing coach and certified copywriter. In this podcast, you'll find a different perspective to the external and internal challenges we face as online content creators. Join me for some inspiration and practical tips as we create positive change online. To connect with me and my private Facebook group, go to MarissaShedrick.com forward slash community.

SPEAKER_01 1:36

Hello, hello, how are you doing today? Yes, we're going to talk about the fear of failure and could it possibly be holding you back in your business? Something we don't want to admit, but sometimes there's a little bit of fear around starting something new or experience something that we've never experienced before in the past. Or maybe we're thinking ahead too much and we think of scenarios that aren't even true. We self-sabotage success when we believe those stories that are playing in our head, stories that maybe have no relevance to anything, and yet we allow them to hold us back. So fear of failure affects our everyday choices as an entrepreneur. And it's really important to recognize it and see how we can overcome this. It's not always easy, but you can do it. And I've had to do this too, and I'll talk a little bit about that as well. Oftentimes we'll keep busy in our business. We'll be creating a business plan or organizing our ideas or networking or updating our web pages, or we continue to learn with more books and more webinars and more courses. And there's nothing wrong with those things, but at some point we have to go ahead, pull the trigger, and begin to put ourselves out there. And by that I mean whether it's creating content or doing a live stream or a podcast or maybe speaking from different stages, launching a course, whatever it might be, you need to begin to step out. And it is scary in the beginning. It feels sort of unnatural for us to do that, especially when we have maybe our first call and we're pitching our products or services, and then they want to know how much is it, right? And most people want to avoid those types of conversations. They don't want to get into the asking for money part. So there's various aspects of business that can hold people back. But if you found that you've been in that same mode of maybe going over your business plan or updating your website or doing all these things over and over again, and you're not making progress, and the months have turned into years, I mean, there's only so much that you can do with your website, right? Once you put your website up, you're open for business. You don't have to keep working on your website month after month and year after year. So oftentimes it's connected to that fear of launching, right? That fear of failure. So what are the signs that you're possibly suffering from the fear of failure? So one of them could be when you're constantly hesitating. Now I understand that sometimes things have to be pushed back. Sometimes things are delayed because you're working on something else. But if that's your default, if there's a constant hesitation and you notice that months are going by, maybe even years, and you haven't done something yet, that maybe you're protecting yourself and there really is an element of fear failure there. Or perhaps you've convinced yourself that you're not a salesperson and you hate the idea of selling. Now that could be the perception of what sales is. Perhaps you've seen someone that has done a hard sell on you and you don't like that, but you don't have to sell that way. Really, selling is serving people, and there's an exchange. You provide something that's going to create some type of transformation, and in exchange, people will give you revenue for that, and you can price it accordingly. So, really, the concept of sales could be something that needs to be looked at as far as what sales is, because it really is providing a service. Or another reason why people will procrastinate is with pricing, pricing products and services. Pricing is really considering your worth, the value that you bring to the table, what it is that you're providing, how often you have to show up physically, you know, if it's it's coaching calls or group coaching calls, or if it's a digital product. There's a lot of various scenarios. And as far as pricing, oftentimes if it's a higher price offer, you can create payment plans. So pricing, you really have to decide first what your worth is, your value, what you want to be paid either by the hour, what your expenses are, and then from there figure out what the pricing will be for whatever the service or the product that you're offering. So you have to include and figure out those expenses too, whatever tools you use. So you kind of look at everything and you have an overview and the tools. Oftentimes you can use it for other products and services, but you figure out also what are other people charging for those type of things and what sets you apart and what makes you different. Maybe you have more experience in that area. So there's not a cut and dry way to price, but you don't want to give the stuff for free. You do want to have options for customers. So somebody might be at an entry level where someone else might be more advanced. So there's a lot of consideration when it comes to pricing. And again, it has to do a lot with whether you're going to show up physically for coaching calls or if it's something like a do-it-yourself or at your own pace type product, how often you launch it. So there's a lot of variables in that, but that can hold people back as well. And they hesitate because they're not sure how to price their products and services. Another area where people struggle is not having clarity of their message. And this is also very much connected with the people that they serve. They're not clear on who they're serving and how they show up and what their messaging is. What is it that they want to be known for? They're not sure. And so it kind of floats around here and there, and they don't want to, they don't want to land in one topic or one area because they're afraid they're going to exclude people, and yet they're not moving forward. If you've noticed, a lot of entrepreneurs will rebrand because as they begin to serve people, they get more clarity about their market and they begin to really dial in and hone in where their niche is. But you have to do your market research and you have to figure out what is it that you want to provide for people, what's your expertise, what do you want to talk about continuously too? Because this is something that you're going to be researching, you're going to be creating content for. So you want to be able to have clarity of your message. And there's steps that you can take to do all this, but it's very closely connected to who you're going to serve and what it is that you're going to provide for them. And is it marketable? So there's a lot of components in there to figure that out. The other is that some people feel that because they're an introvert, they feel uncomfortable talking with people. Well, let me just say this: a lot of entrepreneurs that I know are introverts. I'm an introvert. I'm not an extrovert. That drains the heck out of me. But you know what? It's okay. I'm an introvert, but yet when I need to show up, I show up and I show up with energy. But that doesn't come natural to me. I would be fine at home just working behind my computer monitor and I'd be just a happy camper. But we are in the people business, right? We serve people. So oftentimes that will delay and people will hesitate because they don't want to necessarily have all that interaction with people. And lastly, people are concerned if others will not listen. You know, they're wondering: will people take me seriously? Will they listen to me? Will they find that my content has value? So all of these things will create this scenario where we have this fear of failure and we hesitate. We hesitate and we wait and we wait. And the thing that you need to do is the minute you have clarity and you've got your messaging and you know who you're going to serve, you want to follow the path to revenue as quickly as possible because cash flow is really important in your business. So what happens when you let fear of failure hold you back? You begin to settle for less than best or less than you deserve because self-preservation becomes more of a high priority than success. And so we protect ourselves and then we don't move forward. So oftentimes that could be connected to maybe some insecurities. I know for me, I had a lot of insecurities in the past from when I was young and as a teenager and as a young adult, lots of insecurities that I had to overcome. Maybe it's age. Maybe some people feel they're too young, or some people feel they're too old, right? Maybe it's experience. They wonder if they have enough experience to be able to begin. Maybe they're self-conscious about themselves for whatever reason. Maybe they feel they're too tall or too short, or maybe they have an accent and they're afraid that people won't understand them. They are self-conscious about something. Another is when people decide they want to feel comfortable rather than vulnerable. And yet, whenever we put ourselves out there and we begin something, we are vulnerable. We can't avoid it. And yet, when we're vulnerable, when we're authentic, when we're real, when we are honest about who we are, that resonates with others because they can they can connect and and they can identify with who you are. And people want that. They want what's real. They don't want the phony or the overly polished. They want to connect human to human. So when we're vulnerable, it's actually a plus, not a minus. The other reason that could trigger that self-preservation is maybe you failed before. You failed in the past. But let me just say this: that failure isn't actively opposing you, waiting to replay history or ruin your future. That was an experience. That was something that happened. And hopefully you were able to learn and you're that much wiser and you're that much smarter this time around to be able to launch something with greater wisdom than anyone else, right? You have that. It's part of your your toolbox, right? Because you've experienced something that's going to help you if you allow it to. So fear really becomes this stronghold and this belief of some form of future calamity, but it really is mostly the ideas that we allow to run through our head. There really are emotions that have gone rogue. So the other thing to consider is that maybe you're moving forward and maybe it's not fear. Maybe it's just a combination of jitters, excitement for what you're doing. Maybe it is something that you've never done before. So there's a little bit of excitement and, of course, a little bit of nerves going on, but this is temporary. Once you get past that and you do it often enough, it becomes part of your comfort zone because you've done it before and you've experienced before. So that's normal when you're starting something new. You're going to get some excitement, you're going to get be a little bit nervous, have a little bit of jitters. I remembered when I was thinking about having a business, I didn't know where to start. I was a stay-at-home mom for so many years. I was trying to re-enter the work life and I did not see myself going back to corporate. And so there was this cosmetic line that I loved and it was all vegan-based, and I really loved it. And I thought, well, maybe I can sell this, right? Maybe I can cut my teeth and figure out business doing this. It was kind of a network marketing type thing. And so I embraced the idea and they gave us, you know, everyone that that sold this product line, they'd gave us a like a website and they gave us like tools, business tools, and then you would have samples and that type of stuff. And so this was kind of my adventure to kind of see, can I do business, you know, after being a stay-at-home mom for so many years? But one of the things they did that was really, really smart was they gave everyone an iPod that had all these wonderful speakers like Brian Tracy, any topic you can think of, of sales, of business, of leadership. They had all these speakers in this iPod. It was a collection. And so when I'd go work out, I'd be listening to it all the time. And I found it fascinating. All of these speakers, and some of them were motivational speakers, and I just consumed that. Was listening to that. But I did pursue that business, that little business, and it was my way of cutting my teeth. And I joined the Chamber of Commerce and I had trade shows and I began to network with other business people in that area, brick and mortar businesses, some businesses I still do business with. That's where I met the person that does my website. And it was such a great experience because I made so many friendships and I learned so much about business and I networked so much and I was really good at networking too. I joined a leads group and I was always really serving people. And I realized, wow, I like this, but I don't like what I'm doing as far as what I was selling. I was selling cosmetics and I go, okay, this was good to play with, but now I want something that I'm really interested in. But I was just trying that to begin to put myself out there. And I was able to really get involved with a lot of community things. Eventually I had a radio program, especially during the recession. We were trying to provide some free spots for businesses that didn't or couldn't afford advertising and really give them some exposure. And so I had to sell spots. I had to sell commercials. And I didn't know what I was doing, but I thought, you know, we got to do this because these businesses are in trouble. And so I learned quickly. I created all the radio programming and when the commercial's going to be laid out. And I just did it. I just did it. I figured, well, how hard can it be? But I had never done it before. I never hosted a radio show. So I co-hosted that radio show uh for about a year until the salespeople were getting a little upset because we were selling to some customers that they never could sell to. We had this one university that they can never uh get on board. And we told them the story of what we wanted to do and how we wanted to help the community and the businesses, and they bought ads from us and they were one of our leading sponsors. So it was really great. But all of that to say that I saw the need, I tried some things, I realized that I enjoyed it. And now after doing that, I decided to really hone in on what it was that I wanted to do. But I really that was kind of my playing ground, right? And eventually I decided to do some public speaking and really get over the fear of public speaking. And I joined Toastmasters and ended up in speech competitions and then the international speech competition that was a six-month thing that was really, really scary for me. But it was again taking those steps because I realized even though I did something when I felt very, very fearful, I didn't die, right? I didn't die. And getting to the other side actually felt pretty good because I was able to overcome that. And I began to get some momentum behind that. So fear was at a certain time in my life, it was an unhealthy, chronic habit. It was my default, but I realized that I had the tools and I had what I needed to be able to not let fear become my master, but I had to just take those steps. And it was one step after another. And I thought, well, I did this, why not try this? And I tried this, why not try this other thing? And I kept building on it. But I remember thinking during that time that I wanted more for my life. And I kept saying to myself, Marissa, what's the worst that can happen? So you die, you have life insurance, your husband will be covered, right? But I, of course, I'm not gonna die. But it felt that way at times because I was trying things that I'd never done before. I even remember at the radio station before we would go live, I had my lavender oil and I would be smelling my lavender oil with the microphone right in front of my face, you know. And we would bring on guests too, and they were more nervous than I was. And here's the here's the thing that you got to realize people or most people don't realize you're afraid. Only you know you're afraid, but most people don't know it. And so when I was hosting and I realized the guests were a little had a little bit of anxiety, you know, I tried to make everything so comfortable for them. And I started thinking more about them than myself, and everything began to flow. And that was really the secret behind everything. When we begin to think less of ourselves and that self-preservation, and we begin to think of how we can impact the world and what we can do for others, all of a sudden there's this courage, this strength that we don't know that was even there. We overcome all these fears. All of a sudden, we're doing it for a different reason. And every time I would do a speech, I would think this is going to help someone out there. And then I would step onto the stage and I knew it would serve someone. Maybe it won't serve everyone that was listening, but it would serve someone out there, and I would step out with that thought in mind. Another thing to think about too is what if regret is worse than failure? For me, regret would have been worse than failure. It was an easier choice for me to step out and overcome some of the fears that I had because I did not want to live with regret. So you can think of the other side of the story and consider what if you succeed? What if you succeed? How would life change? What would you accomplish? Who would be impacted by your contribution if you were to succeed? That could potentially change a lot of things for a lot of people. Oftentimes in speaking, I say, you know, you have to tell your story so that others can be inspired and live their story. So what if you succeeded? So you have to allow yourself to be temporarily uncomfortable until it becomes comfortable. Even if you did fail, failure is the other side of the success coin. You can't have one without the other. It's just it's a two-sided coin, one is success and one is failure. And imagine if you didn't fail. I mean, boy, you'd be hard to live with, right? I would feel sorry for your spouse if you never failed. We've all failed at something, right? When we were in school, did you get straight A's? Well, maybe you did. I don't know. But I didn't get straight A's. So sometimes we fail, right? And we learn from those experiences. And it also teaches us a little bit of humility as well, which doesn't hurt. But we have to realize that even if we do fail, it's short term and it's not permanent. And failure doesn't define you. Whatever you attempted to do fails. But it doesn't define you as a person. It's not personal. Most entrepreneurs eventually fail because they are risk takers and they bounce right back and then they succeed. So we learn from those experiences and it makes the wins so much sweeter. So much sweeter. Tony Robbins, I was uh listening to him, and he says fear is an emotional state to avoid pain. It really is triggered by our emotions. He also said that he heard someone use fear as an acronym, the F-E-A-R, meaning false evidence appears real. And that's what happens with fear is that there is some type of false evidence, some type of lie that's not true, right? That appears real. But here's the thing: we believe it. And so that's where we need to course correct and realize that there's no truth to it. I think deep down when I think about my life and overcoming a lot of fear, I think a lot of the root of that was just not wanting to be rejected. And I think we don't want to be rejected as humans. We have this idea that we're enough and that we can do everything on our own. In fact, there have been books written and people have quoted that we're enough, we're enough, we're enough. Let me just say this: you are enough as a human being to deserve respect and opportunity and love and support. You are enough as a human being, but in business, we're not enough. We're not enough. And we need each other even in our personal lives. We were not meant to be alone. That's not how God designed everything. He wanted us in community. He wanted to build his church. And the church is not a building, it's people. We need community, we need mentors, we need peers, we need friends, we need family, we need people. And when we connect with people, they will hold us accountable and they will tell us, you know, where we need to course correct. I see so many talented people, you know, in my mastermind and in community groups and coaching groups that are so talented and yet they'll struggle with some things. And I understand because we've all struggled with something, right? But we need that outside voice speaking into our lives and really helping us see ourselves differently when we are afraid of failing and speak into our lives and build us up because we weren't meant to be alone. And God never designed that, He wanted us to have community to be together. It helps us to grow, it helps us to remain accountable, it helps us to achieve goals, it helps us to just live a better life. So as a person, as a human, you are enough, right? You are enough to deserve respect and love and opportunities. But when it comes to business, my friend, we ain't enough. We need each other. So with that said, I just want to encourage you that there are community groups, there are mentors, there are masterminds. I have a mastermind. If you're interested to find out about it, you can just go to my website. There's a place there where you can schedule a call with me. I can tell you about it. I think it's really important to be with like-minded people and to be able to have people that will give you feedback on ideas and help you achieve those goals that you want to achieve. Because again, you need to tell your story so that you can inspire others to live their story. So don't let the fear of failure hold you back. We need you. Awesome. So I hope that helped you today. And thank you to those that have left a review. I'm so, so thankful. Um, I really appreciate it because that's kind of our currency when we have a podcast, is when you leave a review, um, you know, positive review, hopefully. But if you leave a five-star rating and a review, that really helps. And it helps me to be able to get on other podcasts as well. So thank you so much. And if you haven't done so yet, I would really appreciate it. It would mean so much to me if you would just take the time. I know it takes a little bit of time. If you don't know how to do it, on my website where it says podcasts, I have a little tutorial that shows you how to do it. It would mean a lot to me. So thank you so much. So that's all I have for you today. Until next time, take care. Bye bye.